New Rule: Starbucks
Posted by Rob Herman at August 8th, 2007
New rule!
You are not allowed to complain, whine, or base all or part of a “comedy” routine about the following aspects of Starbucks, or similar coffee shops:
- The price
- The fact that you cannot get “just a cup of coffee”
- The complicated multi-word nature of the drink anyone, including the guy in front of you, gets
- The nonstandard names of the drink sizes
If these things bother you, you have entered the wrong store. The fault is yours. It is like complaining that at Nordstrom, you cannot get “just a t-shirt and jeans.” What the heck were you doing at Nordstrom when you should have gone to Wal-Mart? If the concept of a raspberry latte cappuccino offends your delicate blue-collar sensibilities, what were you doing in Starbucks? You should have been in Dunkin’ Donuts, which caters to exactly the people who don’t want Starbucks. Or Denny’s, Waffle House, or IHOP, any of whom will sell you enough caffeine to make a lab rat burst into flames for less than $2.
Edited to remove a throwaway remark that didn’t help the essay. Thanks, DrObviousSo. Also removed the comment that pointed it out which made no sense after the edit.
I thought the Dennis Leary special sucked too.
It’s your world and all… but what if the complaint is that Starbucks exists at all, or that people are actually willing to spend $5 bucks for a cup o’ joe?
Yes, it’d be lame to complain in line at a starbucks, but I’m not sure it’s as lame to complain about a Starbucks… especially while I’m in line at 7-11 for my cheap ass coffee fix.
That being said, the jokes are old, to the point that they have become a modern idiom.
Coffee is a pure luxury whether it costs $1/cup or $5/cup. If the complaint is that people spend money on coffee at all… well, I have to accept that, although it’s not an argument I hear much. If the complaint is that other people prioritize their luxuries differently… this seems inappropriate.
All you ever talk about are complicated games. How come we never discuss tic-tac-toe?
When you say that, “If the complaint is that other people prioritize their luxuries differently… this seems inappropriate” I have to disagree.
A critic is the best of friends. While all others stand by and be ‘nice’, my friends are the ones that bug me to lose weight, stop smoking, or stop paying to much for coffee. A true friend is one who voices his opinion without pandering to my feelings, who says things in a way that insure not only my continued development as a productive reasonable and right acting human being.