Ass Dragon
Posted by Rob Herman at May 23rd, 2006
Ass Dragon. Draggin’, get it? This was the name we used for Iron Dragon, because some people take forever to plan out and play their turns. There’s something to be said for trying to come up with a decent strategy, but there’s also an element of consideration for the other players.
The problem is most easily solved in very competitive two-player games such as Chess and Go. In both of these games, clearly, being able to think for a long time is a great advantage. The solution is equally simple: use a clock that ensures that both players are allowed the same amount of time to think.
These two games use slightly different time control systems. Chess either allots a certain amount of time for the entire game (“G/90” or “game in 90”, meaning each player has 90 minutes for the entire game) or time for a certain number of moves (“40/2” to make 40 moves in 2 hours, after which you receive an additional 2 hours.) Modern clocks have a time delay feature that ignores the first 5 seconds of easy moves, so you’re being timed on thought versus reflexes.
The world of Go seems to vary more widely and I’m not as familiar with it, but it looks like in the most common system each player gets a certain amount of time played at no delay, followed by a smaller amount of time at 1 minute delay. In addition, during this 1 minute delay period, all of your time usage is rounded down to the next minute.
More casual games are trickier because some players, especially infrequent players, sometimes hate to be rushed. Conversely, everyone playing with them hates waiting around while the philosopher comes up with a masterful move. The latest edition of Robo Rally (a game that sometimes found itself severely hampered by slow play) found a good compromise: All players plan out their moves at once, and when the second last person finishes, a 30-second timer is flipped for the last player.
For Iron Dragon and similar games in which each player takes turns that can be long even when played swiftly, I’m afraid that I don’t have a solution at all. The players I’ve been with seem to be more OK with being teased or verbally hurried than with being asked to use a timer; and I’ve put up with that even though it forces me to nag over and over again.
In RR, I find even the 30 seconds for the last player to take too long, since it’s well after all other players have made their moves. I feels like a rule that was created by R&D specifically for a “Slow Susan” in their office. When the whole table is crawling, it doesn’t really help. Which is too bad, because I feel that Robo Rally is a game that should be played as fast as humanly possible to be exciting. To remedy this, I play by Boggle rules. As soon as the cards are dealt, the timer starts. When the board play stars however, people are still going to be slow. It’s up to the “Gaming Alpha-Male” to set the pace example, and ensure the game plays at a speed more akin to Egyptian Rat-Screw than to Old Maid.
By the way, the ass dragon has two breath weapons, I found out at work. My boss has 1) a blast of bullshit. This deals damage because you have to spend time verifying that what Sharon said is definately not true, and then you have to deal with the possibility that she’ll expect you to repeat the bullshit in front of others who may or may not know better. I’ve gotten nailed twice now for not repeating her bullshit in front of her on subsequent occasions when everone in the room knew better…. 2) cloud of confusion. This is a status ailment where you’re unable to do anything because you don’t know if your instructions are to do A or B when they are mutually exclusive and the one is counter to the other. Also, if you ask for clarification she’ll yell at you for “not listening the first time.”
Someday I will find the glorious enchanted Bidet that can cleanse the world of the ass dragon. Until then, I’ll just keep my shield of toilet paper handy.